Empowering the Freelance Economy

If your Zodiac sign determined your side hustle

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Feel like you aren’t living out your true calling? Maybe you need to see if your Zodiac sign can help. Spencer seems to think so

So, you’ve decided to ditch the cubicle and say “See ya!” to Sandra from accounting who microwaves fish every Tuesday. Escape the corporate machine and become a master of your destiny – a side hustler.

Where to start? The internet is an endless labyrinth of listicles, each promising the secret sauce to entrepreneurial success. But have you considered the wisdom of the cosmos?

Spencer, a surnameless business consultant and blogger, who may have had a stint at Spencer’s Gifts as part of his astrological research, has bestowed his wisdom about how our Zodiac sign holds the key to unlocking our perfect side hustle.

Now, granted you may not see yourself in these roles just yet, but like all horoscopes, you have to find the hidden meaning. If you know the Zodiac signs of your friends and loved ones, you too may have to dig (deep) to see them in these roles.

Like our names and families, we cannot pick our Zodiac sign… so let’s see what Spencer has to say…

Aries

Brimming with competitive energy, you are destined to become a personal fitness trainer. Just picture the scene: a bunch of bleary-eyed office workers trying desperately to keep up with an Aries instructor barking out motivational slogans like “Feel the burn! Embrace the suck!” It sounds like a recipe for either peak fitness or mass hysteria, but hey, that’s the beauty of freelancing – anything goes!

Gemini

Geminis, the social butterflies of the zodiac, are best suited for social media management. Just imagine flitting from one platform to another like a digital hummingbird, desperately trying to keep up with the ever-changing trends. You’ll be sure to keep your brand relevant, even if it means posting nonsensical memes about cats.

Taurus

For the artistically inclined Taurus, an artisanal crafts business is the way to go. Now, I’m not talking about crocheting potholders with inspirational messages like “Live, Laugh, Love.” Think more along the lines of bejewelled phone cases or hand-painted existential ennui onto tote bags. Because if you’re going to be peddling crafts online, you need a niche as specific as your astrological sign.

Cancer

Cancers, the nurturers of the bunch, are encouraged to start a baking business. Picture it: emotional cupcakes, existential brownies, and maybe a sprinkle of astrological cookies (baked with real stardust, disclaimers required). Cancers are sure to whip up baked goods that are both delicious and emotionally resonant, perfect for anyone who needs a post-breakup sugar rush.

Leo

Leos, the natural-born leaders, should look into event planning. You’ll be in your element, turning birthday parties into extravagant galas and dog bar mitzvahs into unforgettable spectacles. But requesting clients to address you as “Your Majesty” throughout the planning process may be taking it too far.

Virgo

With your meticulous nature, you are destined to become a virtual assistant or project manager. You’ll keep everyone’s schedule in check, their inboxes organised, and balance out the crazy…well, that might be a stretch, but you’ll certainly try.

Libra

Libras, the arbiters of style, should look into becoming personal stylists or image consultants. Just picture yourself, armed with a colour wheel and enough scarves to outfit a small village, transforming their clients into fashion icons. However, with Libras’ indecisiveness, you might spend more time debating the merits of horizontal versus vertical stripes than getting dressed.

Scorpio

Scorpios, the mysterious ones, you are well-suited to be mystery shoppers. You’ll excel at undercover missions, sniffing out inefficiencies and questionable customer service.

Sagittarius

Sagittarians, the adventurous souls, are encouraged to become travel bloggers. Just imagine traipsing across the globe, documenting your experiences in excruciating detail, from the questionable airport food to the awkward encounters with locals. You’ll be sure to inspire wanderlust in readers.

Capricorn

Capricorns, the fiscally responsible ones, should look into financial consulting or investment coaching. You will be guided towards financial security with the stern efficiency of a drill sergeant, reminding yourself that every penny counts and frivolous spending is a gateway to astrological doom.

Aquarius

Aquarians, the social innovators, are destined to become online community managers. As one you will foster online spaces that are both welcoming and thought-provoking, even if the topics veer into the realm of the bizarre. As an Aquarian you know things can get weird fast.

Pisces

And finally, Pisces, the dreamers of the zodiac, are encouraged to take up creative writing or blogging. That’s where you can pour your heart and soul into your work, crafting stories that are both whimsical and deeply personal. Just be prepared for the occasional existential crisis live-streamed on social media.

So, there you have it, my friends. The stars, or rather Spencer, from The Small Business Blog, has spoken.

Was he even close?

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