Vanessa Van Edwards, a body language expert and self-proclaimed “recovering awkward person,” shares social skills and body language techniques that can be learned and studied just like any other subject. A key part of this is understanding the non-verbal cues we send and receive.
Van Edwards sat down with Canadian psychologist and media commentator Jordan Peterson to give him an assessment of his body language and what we can learn from the session.
Edwards describes what can be referred to as the “awkwardness trifecta” and it includes several cues as Edwards described here:
Turtling
When making a first impression, nervousness is often signalled by a combination of cues. People tend to take up less space by “turtling” their shoulders, which also leads to a shortened vocal power and a nervous-sounding tone.
Uptalk
Another common sign is uptalk, where a statement ends with a rising inflexion, making it sound like a question. This can come across as a lack of confidence and make you seem like you are unsure of yourself.
Warmth and competence
People quickly assess others based on two traits: warmth (trust) and competence (reliance). These two perceived qualities are both equally important when representing yourself and should be well-balanced.
A person who is highly competent but lacks warmth can be perceived with suspicion, which can ultimately undermine their ideas or performance and a person who comes across as incompetent but warm may be perceived as ill-informed, therefore invalidating your statements and opinions.
The unveiling smile
An inauthentic or “fake” smile, often used to try and be liked, can be read as untrustworthy. Then there’s self-consciousness, which can show through behaviours like touching one’s face. This shows that a person is focused on themselves rather than the conversation, signalling disengagement.
Strategies for effective communication
This discussion between Jordan Peterson and Vanessa Van Edwards also provided practical strategies for improving both verbal and non-verbal communication.
The power of gestures
Effective communicators use hand gestures as “notes to the audience” to lower cognitive load and help listeners understand complex ideas. Research suggests that explanatory gestures increase the amount of information an audience retains and remembers.
Mirroring for rapport
Subtly mimicking another person’s non-verbal, vocal, or verbal cues is a sign of non-verbal respect. This technique, known as mirroring, helps build rapport by showing that you are aligned with the other person and appreciate their ideas and opinions.
Positive primers
To break generic social scripts, you should avoid asking questions like “How are you?”. Instead, use positive primers like “What’s good today?” to cue a more engaging and positive interaction. This variation can lead to increased engagement.
The Handshake and “close talkers”
The discussion also touched on the importance of assertive greetings, such as extending your hand for a handshake, and the proper mechanics for a firm grip. It also warned against a common social faux pas: being a “close talker,” which violates a person’s “intimate zone” and can cause discomfort.
Self-reflection
After watching the discussion, I took some time to think about how I could be subconsciously selling myself short through my body language.
For example, I definitely have a tendency to turtle up occasionally, which communicates a lack of confidence not only in myself but in the topic I’m discussing.
I have also never put much thought into the way I shake hands, leading me to think that maybe this is an important point to develop on, so that I can radiate more confidence and gain more trust.
Watch the video here: